Intellectual foreplay

We tend to choose our partners based on how they look or feel, and we still end up on relationships that aren’t that good. This occurs because at the beginning of a relationship we do not ask enough questions.

May I ask?

For instance, would you purchase a house just because it looks and feels good, without thinking about further costs, the house’s condition, your commitment to payments, etc.? You probably wouldn’t, but this is what we do in a relationship when we base our choices only on physical attraction and emotional desire. We must take a more conscious approach toward choosing a partner. If you practice the intellectual foreplay, you can turn the process to your advantage by establishing an intimate relationship with a potential partner or by recognizing someone who isn’t fit for you, prior to the commitment.

What is the intellectual foreplay?

Foreplay normally means what comes first; the game that you play before choosing to do something together. We generalize the term by making it somewhat physical, which builds intrigue, excitement and desire before intercourse. This is always well spent time because it makes the experience more satisfying.

The intellectual foreplay means that you have to take the time to discuss and ask what you should know about each other before committing to a relationship. Just like the physical foreplay, it can build excitement or desire, or reveal a lack of compatibility. The entire concept is about getting to know each other intellectually, emotionally, spiritually or physically and it is best to be done before a serious commitment.

Intellectual foreplay guidelines

1. Make a list of things to ask: Know what your non-negotiables are and start from there when you compile the list of questions you want to ask.

2. Do not exaggerate it or you will scare people away: Do not make it look like you are interrogating your partner. Answer the question yourself before expecting your partner to do it.

3. There are no “right” or “wrong” answers:  Intellectual foreplay is not about finding out what is wrong with the other person, but it is about finding out how she is. Watch for indications of compatibility or a lack thereof, while keeping your non-negotiables in mind.

4. Pay attention to the answers: What you see and hear is usually what you get, so pay attention!

5. Trust your instincts: If your instinct says no, even if she is giving you all the right answers, listen to your guts. This applies vice versa too. If she says the wrong answers but your gut tells you that she is the one, trust your intuition.

6. Being the right choice: It is important not only to choose the right partner but also for you to be the right choice of a partner. Pay attention to your answers as well in order to know if you fit together.

7. Act upon what you discover:  It serves you no good to find something about yourself and your partner if you do not act upon it. If you discover that she is not compatible with you, stop it.

Everybody can learn

If you are already in the midst of a relationship or you are exploring the online dating world, it is of utmost importance to resort to the intellectual foreplay, to decide if there should be a second date.