How to empathize

Relationships are not so easily handled and men have more problems than women when it comes to conflict resolution. However, it is generally known that people who have a relationship based on communication and empathy are happier and the bond between them is stronger.

Empathy is the capacity to understand the feelings of others or the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. What you should know is that usually, empathy and communication go hand in hand, especially in a relationship, but the problem is, empathy is not so easily taught when you are an adult, especially if you were raised in a traditional family where you learnt to hide your feelings because they are a sign of weakness. This may be one of the reasons you cannot understand your partner when she is angry or crying, because you were not taught to handle emotions and understand them.

When leaving a relationship, most women claim that their emotional needs were not met, so don’t try to “buy” her affection and forgiveness with gifts and lingerie, because it doesn’t work and even if it does it’s only temporary. Instead, whenever you have an argument, try to put yourself in her shoes to see her point of view. There are four steps you need to take in order to empathize with you partner.

First of all, you have to look for the feelings your partner might have, in your own head. Basically, the idea is that you cannot understand her feelings unless you also have them; that’s why you need self-awareness.

Secondly, people who empathize do not judge other people. They rather try to understand the reasons behind their behavior and be supportive. This is what you should also do with your partner. When she is complaining you are watching too much TV, do not automatically judge her for taking a pleasure away from you, but instead think of the fact that she might want to spend more time with you.

Thirdly, you need listening skills to understand what your woman is trying to tell you. This is the point where communication and empathy collide. I know men are very good at listening without paying attention, but if you want to understand what she is saying you need to focus. Rephrase what she said to show her that you care and that you are an active listener; she will then explain you the reasons behind her complaint.

Last, but not least, you should always be self-confident. When you start to understand yourself, only then can you understand others. Empathy is all about patience, respect and readiness to accept that you may not always be right.