Online dating and the boring equilibrium

Maybe you are wondering what the most boring things people usually do on first dates are. Most of the time, when we meet new people, our goal is rather to avoid making a bad impression, than creating a good one. So, we start complying with whatever our date says and accommodate to the different tastes they may have.

You may think that once you make her believe you like the same food, colors, places and books she will be fascinated and will definitely fall for you. Think again. If somebody wants to meet a person that has perfectly the same tastes and opinions, they would date their mirror. Of course, you may agree on petty things, such as the ones I already mentioned, but talking about them is getting you nowhere. The fact that you enjoy the same things does not mean that you will have a fruitful conversation.

Why do people avoid more personal questions? 

People usually don’t want to risk asking more personal questions because they don’t want to leave their comfort zone. They are afraid of their partner’s reaction or they fear some of the questions might backfire and they will feel awkward in trying to answer to them. Research shows, however, that people who ask more private questions like “How many romantic partners have you had?” tend to have more interesting conversations. This is because despite what we generally believe, people like to be listened to and enjoy talking about their lives. So, don’t get stuck in the equilibrium of a boring conversation.

As long as you fear what the other might have to say or how it could react to one of your questions, you will never get to know that person. As long as you are a gentleman and do not offend your date, she will answer to any question you may ask, and this will lead to interesting conversations from which you will both learn something about the other.

When it comes to dating, everyone wants to impress their partner, but asking the same boring questions like everyone else, does not make you look interesting. Never be afraid of a negative reaction from your partner. If the question bothers her, she will tell you and you can apologize. You have nothing to lose.